How to create Boundaries that support you

Nov 28, 2019Support

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How to create Boundaries is a challenge in a world where people expect you to drop everything on a dime to be there for them or to spend time with them when you’d rather be in the lounge chair in your pajamas.

Boundaries are invisible lines where your space begins and ends and meets another person’s space.

Boundaries are also physical and non-physical in such that when someone steps too close to you and you become uncomfortable that someone crossed the line.

We all have our own comfort levels when it comes to space and what I often refer to as “the bubble”.

Boundaries are also feelings based on things we picked up over the years and were imprinted with on how we should respond to people in our world.

Boundaries are necessary!

This is an area I struggled with since I was 13, and probably even before then but looking back that is where crossing boundaries started to be more apparent.

I always felt I “should” do this or that to appease people because you have to be nice and say no, well you were left to feel guilty.

The moment I realized how untrue this is being the moment I could claim my own power and align myself in such a way that if it feels like I should, then well I probably shouldn’t.

I rely heavily on my intuition, that gut feeling that tells me yay or nay and it’s so prevalent to listen to ourselves.

If you are overwhelmed with should and guilt, it’s time to look at how you can claim back you, your time and a life that allows you to feel good.

But how do you know where to start setting boundaries?

  1. Make a list of all the times a commitment or an interaction left you feeling uncomfortable.
  2. Make a list of all the times that you committed to something but you really didn’t want to do it but you felt guilty for not following through.

This isn’t about creating more guilt, but more of an awareness tool so you know what areas you would like to change in your life so you can create boundaries and honor yourself.

Now that you have those lists, ask yourself how you would like to respond and engage in the future. For instance, when the feeling of should come up, decline to commit or engage.

The guilty feeling will still be present but with practice, it will fade because you are taking care of who you are and don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed and exhausted due to crossed boundaries. Allow yourself to feel the relief because you honored yourself and make yourself important enough to engage in your own self-care.

And honestly, sometimes our boundaries are so muddled that we can’t see clearly and keep staying in the space of giving everything to everyone.

It doesn’t have to be that way. Book yourself a clarity session and let’s get it sorted on what boundaries you want and need and how exactly you can go about establishing them.

2 Comments

  1. valerieremymilora

    Boundaries are so important and as moms we teach about boundaries to our children by the way we respect our own. Learning to say ‘No” gets easier the more you practice 🙂

    Reply
  2. Lorna Ye

    Great tips on creating helpful boundaries. It is important to have boundaries in order to maintain a balance in life. Nice post.

    Reply

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Goal Mindset Mentor helping creatives, multi-passionates and rebels transform their mindset, strategies, and habits so they can go from confusion to clarity and fill their lives with love, joy, and productivity!   

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