You need to embrace no for your sanity sake. For reasons that I am not sure about, we somehow believe that we have to say yes to all the things, which only leads to overwhelm and stress.
Think of “yes” as currency of your time, energy and actually monies, you are going to run out of “yes” because let’s be honest you only have a limited number of yeses to give.
Part of my goals every month is to practice saying no and honoring my needs and there are numerous reasons you need to embrace no as well!
Reason #1: No Protects You from Burnout
When you say yes to everything else, you have to say no to your own needs and wants. That means sometimes your priorities end up falling to the bottom. If this happens continually, eventually you’ll start feeling resentful, grumpy, and tired.
I have non-negotiable things in place such as my running that I will not sacrifice for someone else. You need to embrace no so that you don’t fall into a hole you feel you can’t get out of.
Reason #2: No Earns Respect
You need to embrace no so that people don’t treat you like a pushover they can bully. They might like a pushover, and they may enjoy getting you to do things for them (especially if these are their tasks to begin with). But they don’t actually respect and admire you.
Yet a funny thing happens when you say no, you earn the respect of those around you. They recognize that you have your priorities and your values. That instantly makes them admire you. They’re less likely to try to intimidate you or push you around.
Reason #3: No Lets You Focus on Your Values
When you say “no”, there’s space to focus on your value. If you constantly agree to helping on twelve different committees, then you’re saying no to spending more time with your spouse. Now if what you value is intimacy with your spouse, then you’re saying “no” to your values.
This creates a situation that is upsetting and painful. It means that you’re not living out what you want. You’re not walking in your values. As a result, you feel inauthentic and bitter.
Reason #4: No Creates Space for Others
It’s tempting to think that everything must be done by you. But in reality, you can’t handle every project and request that comes your way. When you try to do it all, you take opportunities from others.
Maybe a friend asks you to design her poster for her upcoming cafe opening. You’re tempted to say yes, but then you think about Beth, who is getting started in graphic design and would absolutely love to do a project like this. Now, you can step in and say yes, and be stressed out and angry.
Or you can suggest Beth instead and let Beth stand in the spotlight. Not only will you have less to do, but Beth is going to be happier and your friend is going to be happier.
Reason #5: No Protects Your Energy
In today’s society are often encouraged to wear a “superhero” cape all the time. We are expected to be everything to everyone and do it all with a smile and a good attitude.
But what you have to remember is that you have a limited flow of energy. This means that when you encounter things that will drain your energy, you need to stand up for yourself and firmly say, “I can’t do this.”
Perhaps you could recommend another person for this task or suggest an alternative. You could also simply say, “I’m sorry. This doesn’t sound like a great fit for me right now.”
Keep in mind that just because you overcommit does not mean you will magically gain the energy, the strength, the stamina, or the time you need to accomplish everything.
Reason #6: No Adds Margin into Your Days
When you are constantly overcommitted, there is no margin in your life. For example, if you plan back-to-back meetings all day, with no margin, then by the time you hit the end of the day, you’re hungry. You’re stressed out. You’re feeling grumpy because you’re overworked.
But when you say no, you create that margin your mind and body desperately need. When you don’t commit to every meeting or every project, you can show up and bring your best self, best energy, and best focus.
Reason #7: No Gives You Confidence
The reason so many women say yes is they want to be liked. But when you realize you can live without the approval and validation of others, it’s entirely freeing.
Suddenly, your whole world opens up. You don’t have to spend your evenings going to the book club if you hate the book club. You don’t have to take every call from your cousin who just wants to complain about her ex-husband again.
You no longer have to work for everyone’s approval. The moment that you realize this—the moment you realize that you can say no and still have people like you—you become liberated.
Reason #8: No Makes Room for Self-Care
It’s common for people to feel like they must always be busy and always be productive. This leaves you very little time or even no time for self-care most days. You need to embrace no so you can make room for self-care.
Your self-care can look like anything you want it to. Maybe self-care for you is spending one night a week at home to read a book in a bubble bath. Or perhaps it means that you have time to take your kids out for a walk after dinner every night. Maybe that makes you really happy and that’s self-care for you.
As you say “no” more, embrace taking care of yourself. When you’re a priority, amazing things start happening. You show up to events and meetings feeling energized and excited to face the day. You greet challenges with enthusiasm, and you trust yourself to find the best possible solution.
Reason #9: No Gives You Back Control
Without a firm “no”, you can feel like your life is spiraling out of control. You feel like everyone else is making decisions for you. You’re busy working on everyone else’s priorities. You’re meeting their needs and yet you don’t feel good about yourself.
You need to embrace no so you can get back that feeling of control. It reminds you that you are in in the driver’s seat of your own life. You are picking and choosing what your priorities are and living according to your values.
Reason #10: No Makes Your “Yes” Precious
You need to embrace no so you get to say “yes” to the right things. You get to say yes to the things that excite you.
Yes, to the projects that energize you. Yes, to the relationships that fulfill you. Yes, to the dreams and the goals that truly matter to you. Yes, to the values that reflect who you are as a person.
At its core, saying “no” is about choosing what doesn’t matter and refusing to give it any more space in your life. When you do this, you have the freedom to say “yes” to the things that truly matter to you!
The from thought to action 30-Day Challenge Club is for you if you’re ready to take that one thought you had and make that your focus for 30 days!
What goal will you work on?
Whichever goal you want. You pick ONE goal to focus on for 30 days. This doesn’t mean that you won’t do any other work in your life or business, but if you’ve been putting off writing a book or get back into a fitness routine or launch a new offer for your business then this is here to support you to get it done!
This is for that ONE thing that came to mind and keeps running around and you tell yourself that you need to make time for it – but then don’t even though you know it would have a positive impact in your life + business.
How exactly does this work?
Once you sign up you have a little bit of prep-work to do to choose a goal. I have added a few different ways on how to set a goal so you can choose the method that will work best for you. This is then followed by 30-days of actions.
Every day, you log in and share with me privately and/or in the group what you will be working on that day that supports you in achieving your goal.
Every Thursday there’ll be an Office Hour Thread where you can ask your questions and I will answer all of them so you don’t have to get stuck in taking action.