Does the word abundance confuse you? Yeah, it did me too!

When I first heard the word abundance I thought it had to do with money and the kind of life one could lead because of said money.

And yes I was grateful for all that I had and was given in this world: my kids, my health, friends etc. Always hearing other’s in my head when shit hit the fan and I could hear them say: At least you have a roof over your head, be grateful for that. No shit Sherlock. But no matter how grateful I was, it didn’t turn the tide in life.

I mean I worked and dreamed of making a better life. I managed to go to school and earned my degrees because I just KNEW that they would help me provide for my family and I would no longer live paycheck to paycheck.

What I didn’t realize that I had so much underlying baggage that I didn’t acknowledge and it wasn’t about the pain and hurt I endured from the abuse and neglect that landed me in foster homes. No, it was the underlying messages of it all.

I was rejected and therefore a good life rejected me too.

Who was I to earn a good living, provide for my family when I wasn’t good enough to be loved by people?

I was frustrated that these messages were part of my theme and my beliefs and part of the true cause of what was holding me back from living the life I envisioned.

It was incredibly harder when my visions changed because then I considered myself to wish washy. People always told me I can’t make a living as an artist and that I couldn’t have my cake and eat it too, and why the hell couldn’t I just chose a career.

And so, I did. I chose to become a counselor because if nothing else in this world, I wanted to help foster children because I know first-hand what it felt like to be alone and not having anyone to share all the crap that was going on. I want to be able to help them, support them and let them know they don’t have to do it all alone.

But I also realized I had some work to do. Work to get me to a place where transference would not be such an issue because well, let’s face it, I still had issues with my parent’s abandonment and was experiencing not so pleasant things in life.

And as I tried to find my footing, I found my values.

I started to stand in my truth even if it meant to rock the boat a little.

Because everything I did had to align with what I believed and wanted to do because it meant I was no longer hiding behind a facade. It was acknowledging that sometimes I have some crappy days and I break down and cry. I learned to take care of me, especially in those days. I could share that I have good days even though parenting can be hard on so many levels.

I finally learned what it means to feel good about your life simply because I stepped into my truth.

Abundance to me no longer only equates with monetary values because it is so much bigger.

Abundance is knowing that there is opportunity in everything and that there is always a way and that even when we should make U-turns during our journey we will arrive at our destination – and usually never at the time we hoped but the right time.

I know now live in abundance that I can value. Life is still hard at times but wouldn’t change the thing and my life will only improve and get better because I continue to set goals to help me make it happen.

It really is about shifting your thinking!

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