There was a time in my life where I covered my frustration with believing I had to have what all the other people had.
I needed to have that awesome paying job, the biggest circle of friends, the most amazing relationship and children who screamed perfection in my parenting skills.
What all this really did is just leave me even more frustrated with myself and life in general. I played the victim card justifying my frustrations based on my growing in foster care.
It was like I was stuck in this time warp that every frustration I encountered was my parent’s fault for not loving me. It was the foster care systems fault for not guiding me to my dream job. It was the lack of positive role models that ruined my relationships and friendships and my parenting skills were clearly inhibited by the lack of parenting I received growing up.
I was tired of being envious of what others had. I didn’t realize that they too had problems behind closed doors until some part of me decided that I was tired of the frustration.
I went on an analyzing thinking binge to figure out what was frustrating me in my life. It brought clarity in what I had control over allowing me to change my frustration and what I had no control over.
I had control over my job and realizing I was not satisfied with what I was doing and learning, I brainstormed about what I wanted to do and how I was going to get there.
I have control over the kind of people I hang out with and how many. I am an introvert and an empath and back in the day, drinking with friends got me through the hours of fitting in. This helped me realize that I don’t need a huge friend circle, I just had to find my kind of people.
I had control over my relationship and what I was putting up with and what my attitude would be. I am in charge of the respect I wish to receive and when using derogatory words towards me even in fun make me feel uncomfortable, then I am in control of whether I speak up.
I even had and have control over my parenting skills and reviewed how I was parenting. When my first-born was younger, I was rigid and not very flexible. There would be no kool-aid stains on my rug. With the next child, I realized I needed to bond with them and hang out and you know just be. My lessons were small but when I learned that letting go and being goofy with my child was totally alright, I knew intuition had guided me well along with my parenting skills.
It was all about owning my expectations and responsibility but also knowing myself.
So, I invite you to do the following if you are having some frustrations in your life you wish to change.
- Breathe – take pause. Sit with pen and paper and write about what is frustrating you.
- Look at your frustration and ask yourself if you are being reasonable and how you can you change your expectations to fit you – not someone else.
- Recognize the negative behaviors you are engaging in to maintain your frustrating life.
- Stop being the victim. There are a time and place for sulking and pity parties but at some point, you must put them big girl panties on and step up.
- Spend time with supportive people! The kind of people who don’t suck the energy out of you but lift you up with encouragement.
- Upkeep your journal to reflect and track your progress.
- Exercise to reduce stress!
- Decide, take charge and change the course of your direction.
- Once you have laid out your frustration and negative behaviors, you can create a game plan on how you will move forward to make the changes you want.
Be the captain of your boat – the pilot of the plane!
Your happy and positive life is waiting for you
21 Day Self-Love Challenge
This is for you because you are ready to target the most basic but effective elements of self-care. It is a great way to be motivated for consistency and see the amazing benefits that putting the effort into yourself has to offer.