There is this fill for me to do all the things I was told I couldn’t be, do or have. As much as I had hard times growing up and beyond, to keep the faith through hard times when my son’s length of life was uncertain – was by far the hardest journey I’ve ever taken. Below is a snippet of a note I wrote on June 9th, 2010 (you can read the full note here).

There have been many questions to why Lennon would/does need another transplant. Let me first say that he is medically stable. This there is no “rush” per se and with that being said, we know the following:

Lennon has a clot in the portal vein which is one of those important elements. He also has a thromboses with the hepatic vein and then there was a third clot found but I don’t know the state of this one at this time.

We also know that from before when his EBV levels were high that he has dealt with and deals with hepatitis and that his liver is working towards cirrhosis. Cirrhosis occurs in response to chronic damage to your liver.

Now that we have this information we talked more about the transplant. What are the chances of him surviving this third liver transplant? Well, the fatality rate is 10% for most first-time transplant patients. Lennon is somewhere between 30-40% according to UVA.

This is kind of what we know right now. The docs did say that Lennon could be the way he is for 1 or 2 years maybe even three.

When he went into surgery for his third liver transplant he had 2-5 to live – in other words without the surgery and this amazing gift – he wouldn’t be here today.

To keep the faith during an 18 hour marathon surgery uncertain about the outcome – it challenged me. But it also made me look at how I am showing up in this world. I questioned what I was doing with my life and why I kept making excuses.

Here’s what I know being a parent to Lennon – positive mental attitude (PMA) has helped him deal with everything that he is facing each day. And when he can get up, cheerful, happy and full of imagination – then you and I don’t have an excuse.

As I’ve been reflecting on this note from so many years ago, I recognize the work I have put in to do what I love every single day, to be the kind of person I am and really allow it to show and have the kind of life that feels good (even through difficult days).

And to keep the faith during the difficult days is the key.